What I learned during my OCD recovery is that to truly defeat the disease, you need to learn how to allow every single thought that you have into your mind. This took time to process, accept, and properly implement, and oftentimes felt like it was backfiring. The anxiety I was experiencing often felt worse than how it was before the exposures, but of course, that’s part of the game.
You’ve probably heard this a million times, but if you feel stuck I think I can provide some good advice to you. When I was first told about this, my therapist was saying how It’s like opening a window to let air into your house. You’re allowing airflow, but that doesn’t mean the weather outside will always be nice. Sometimes you’re going to let in a storm. And that’s okay.
However, things are usually easier said than done, and this was incredibly hard to do in practice. I’d tell myself I was allowing the thoughts, I believed I was allowing the thoughts, but I was still fighting, I was still terrified of them. That fear made me tense up, mentally brace for impact, and subtly try to push the thoughts away, which, of course, made the entire exercise feel pretty much useless. I wasn’t truly accepting the thoughts; I was just “performing” acceptance while still fighting them, because that was what my body and mind did by default.
In my case, “allowing” the thoughts became another mental compulsion. I would think about the things that were giving me anxiety more, hoping that my mind would desensitize them, but instead, I was performing the compulsions even more. Which, as I later learned, is the exact opposite of what you’re supposed to do.
This is the fine line I’m talking about. The subtle but crucial difference between genuinely allowing the thoughts to be them and trying to force yourself to be okay with them, while still gripping tightly underneath.
The good news is that once you hear this advice, it’s inevitable that you make this change. The hardest part is accepting a temporary rise in anxiety, but think of it like working out. You have to make a routine of it. You don’t have to do it every single day at first, and can progressively make the exercises more intense, but eventually you should be in a regular routine where you’re lifting heavy.
At first, even the smallest “mental weight” feels impossible to lift. Letting one intrusive thought exist without doing anything about it can feel like a full-body workout. But with time, you start to tolerate more. What used to send you spiraling might barely register anymore. And just like building a workout routine, it’s not about being perfect, it’s about showing up. Even if you mess up one day, or fall into old patterns, that doesn’t undo all your progress. What undoes your progress is giving up before seeing significant results. You get back in the mental gym, keep practicing, and keep trusting that every time you allow a thought to stay without performing a compulsion, you’re moving forward.
Your recovery starts now, don’t be afraid to go for it.
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